Frequently Asked Questions

Bullying

• I feel so ill and desperate I sometimes have suicidal thoughts?
• Am I the only one this is happening to?
• Why am I a victim?
• My bully has made unwarranted criticisms/false allegations about me. How do I turn this to my advantage?
• People who claim they're being bullied are just trying to hide the fact they're not very good at their job, aren't they?
• What's the difference between someone who's really being bullied and someone who claims bullying to hide poor performance?
• But you've got to bully people to get the job done, haven't you?
• Isn't there a fine line between reprimanding people who are not performing and using tough management to get the job done?
• Surely a manager has a right to deal with the underperformance of staff?
• Is it always just a case of the employee and employer fighting each other?
• My bully appears confident on the outside but could I be wrong?
• Can bullies be helped?
• Could the bully be bullied too?
• I'm an employer, what can I do about workplace bullies?
• What's the difference between a good manager and a bully?
• Bullying is just tough management, isn't it?
• Why did he/she pick on me?
• Why did I let it happen to me?
• What did I do to deserve it?
• So what can I do about it?
• What if my union says I don't have a case?
  
  
   

Q I feel so ill and desperate I sometimes have suicidal thoughts?

A These feelings, which include reactive depression, are a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. You are not mentally ill, but mentally injured and fatigued. The cause is external which means someone is responsible and liable for your condition. Being an injury, it will get better, although it can take a long time. You need resolution and/or closure of your experience for the healing to get going. back

Q Am I the only one this is happening to?

A Almost everyone who is abused thinks this. Abusers encourage it, as it erodes your powers and silences you. However, there are many people in your situation. The reason so few people report their abusers is for fear that "no-one will believe me". You can help the process of change. Contact your local UNISON representative or branch. back

Q Why am I a victim?

A You're not a victim, you're a target. The word "victim" may allow some people to tap into and stimulate prejudices and preconceived ideas about "victimhood", eg that it's all your fault. This is not the case as the bully has deliberately and intentionally targeted you. It is the bully's pattern of behaviour with constant nitpicking criticisms, specious allegations and so on which reveals intent. back

Q My bully has made unwarranted criticisms/false allegations about me. How do I turn this to my advantage?

A Record the criticism/allegation in a letter to the bully, eg "On [date] you made the following criticism/allegation [quote it exactly]. I now ask you to provide me, in writing, with substantive and quantifiable evidence to justify your criticism/allegation" back

Q People who claim they're being bullied are just trying to hide the fact they're not very good at their job, aren't they?

A In at least 95% of the cases of bullying reported to the UK National Workplace Bullying Advice Line, the person has been picked on because they are good at their job and popular with people. Bullies are driven by jealousy (of relationships) and envy (of abilities). The target just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
If you have an employee who is genuinely underperforming, then:
a) there will be substantive and quantifiable evidence that they are underperforming
b) there may be a problem with that person's manager for i) causing or allowing a situation to develop, ii) not taking positive action
c) bullying will always make a problem worse so any manager who thinks bullying improves performance is revealing their own inadequacy back

Q What's the difference between someone who's really being bullied and someone who claims bullying to hide poor performance?

A The person who is being bullied will have, or quickly be able to construct, a fat folder of evidence, often covering several months, maybe years. They will report a stream of bullying behaviours, especially nit-picking, fault-finding and constant criticism and allegations, all of which lack substantive and quantifiable evidence, for they are just the bully's opinion. It's the patterns, the regularity and the number of incidents which reveal bullying. The person who is making a spurious claim might produce half a dozen sheets of paper, if that. back
 

Q But you've got to bully people to get the job done, haven't you?

A Bullies are weak, inadequate people who lack people skills, lack empathy, lack interpersonal skills, lack leadership skills, lack motivational skills, lack judgement, lack foresight and hindsight, lack forward thinking skills, etc. Bullies bully to hide the fact they lack these skills. Serial bullies are compulsive liars with a Jekyll and Hyde nature who use charm and mimicry to deceive peers and superiors. Bullying results in demotivation, demoralisation, disenchantment, disaffection, disloyalty, ill-health, high sickness absence, high staff turnover, an us-and-them culture, low productivity, frequent mistakes, low morale, non-existent team spirit, poor customer service, no continuity of customer care, etc. And that's just for starters. back

Q Isn't there a fine line between reprimanding people who are not performing and using tough management to get the job done?

A

a) Bullying is the cause of underperformance, not the solution
b) There are recognised ways of dealing with underperformance; bullying is not one of them
c) Bullying makes underperformance worse, not better
d) Bullying prevents employees from fulfilling their duties
e) "Underperforming" employees seem to follow the bully wherever s/he goes
f) It is always the bully who is weak, inadequate, and underperforming
g) Bullies are weak managers; bullying is designed to hide that weakness by giving the appearance of strength whilst diverting attention away from the bully back
 

Q Surely a manager has a right to deal with the underperformance of staff?

A False allegations of underperformance are designed to divert attention away from the bully's inadequacy and to create conflict between those who might pool negative information about him/her. back

Q Is it always just a case of the employee and employer fighting each other?

A Almost always the employee and employer end up in an adversarial contest in which both are losers regardless of the outcome. However, the employee and employer should be on the same side fighting the bully. Bullies are adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool incriminating information about them. Bullies also gain gratification (a perverse indulgence in that nice warm feeling we call satisfaction) from encouraging and then watching others engage in destructive conflict. Bullies are also adept at manipulation (especially of people's emotions), deception, and evasion of accountability. back

Q My bully appears confident on the outside but could I be wrong?

A The bully's apparent self-esteem and self-confidence is actually arrogance which is an unsustainable belief of invulnerability honed from the bully's willingness to act outside the bounds of society to ensure their survival. Well, it's always worked in the past. Narcissism is also common. Targets are people who can see through the arrogance to perceive the empty shell behind it and bullies often can sense who can see through them. The bully's paranoid fear of exposure goes exponential and their compulsive need to control is fuelled by jealousy and envy, for the bully "knows" they can never have the qualities of their target. Sensing their survival is at stake so the bullying is designed to eliminate this perceived threat. back

Q Can bullies be helped?

A People who are unwitting bullies can be helped by removal of pressure - then their behaviour improves. A sociopathic serial bully probably cannot be helped at the moment. Work on psychopaths shows that the condition does not respond to treatment - in fact, treatment may make the condition worse. Their behaviour is as ingrained as a paedophile. Work with paedophiles suggests that it may take at least two years of counselling and therapy before the paedophile can begin to see their victim as a human being rather than an object for their gratification, although the re-offence rate is high. It is suspected the same applies to serial bullies. As an adult, the bully has to want to change which they emphatically do not. back

Q Could the bully be bullied too?

A Maybe. Bullying is often hierarchical. Trace the bullying to its origin and you'll usually find a serial bully. Concentrate on this person. back

 

Q I'm an employer, what can I do about workplace bullies?

A Learn everything you can about bullying so you know what you're dealing with. Develop an anti-bullying policy so you have some legitimacy to deal with the individual and include your recognised trade unions to help you with partnership working.
Our UNISON Regional Office in Chelmsford offers specialised management courses at reasonable fixed daily rates plus expenses.
Setting a good example: Some local NHS PCT's in Suffolk have already taken advantage and booked courses through UNISON. Email us for info. back
 

Q What's the difference between a good manager and a bully?

A Those who can, do. Those who can't, bully. Good managers manage, bad managers bully. Bad managers are revealed by bullying. back

Q Bullying is just tough management, isn't it?

A Bullies prevent employees from fulfilling their duties. Bullies are usually inadequate at their own job and survive only by stealing other people's work. Bullying is a breach of contract (a breach of the implied term of mutual trust and confidence), bullying causes injury to health and may incur vicarious liabilities for the employer. back

Q Why did he/she pick on me?

A Because you are good at your job and popular with people, you unwittingly invited unfavourable comparison with the bully's inadequacy simply by being competent. It seems you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, blew the whistle on something (perhaps unwittingly), were vulnerable in some way, and because bullying is an obsessive, compulsive and addictive behaviour the serial bully has to have someone to bully. back

Q Why did I let it happen to me?

A Because you had little or no knowledge of bullying, no training in how to deal with it, those around you denied or ignored it, you didn't recognise the bully as a sociopath. The bully disempowered you because you were vulnerable and your honesty and unwillingness to compromise your integrity targeted you. The law is often weak and similar jobs may be scarce so you were frightened to report it. Personnel and management probably didn't help or took the side of the bully, etc. back

Q What did I do to deserve it?

A Nothing. It is never the target's fault - it is always the bully who is responsible for their behaviour; however, bullies project their behaviour onto their target and claim their target is the one with the "negative attitude" who is "aggressive" etc. Treat each criticism or allegation as an admission by the bully of his or her own failings and inadequacy. A target of abuse simply happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and probably has plenty of predecessors and successors. back
 

Q So what can I do about it?

A Lots, although justice through the legal system is often difficult at present. Read everything you can find on the subject. Helpful sites such as http://www.bullyonline.org and http://www.worktrauma.org may help you decide whether you want to:

• contact your local UNISON representative for help, support and practical advice

• keep detailed written records of events

• ask witnesses to sign your record of events if applicable

• take out a grievance against the aggressor with support from your local UNISON representative  

• consider legal action - UNISON legal advice, support and services

• fight bullying on a wider scale

• leave and get another job with an employer who values your skills

• get a settlement and do something different, perhaps more useful and rewarding with your life

• follow another option, or

• a combination of all these. It's a personal decision that only you can make back

Q What if my union says I don't have a case?

A  Whilst taking successful legal action is sometimes difficult as there is no specific law against bullying, but there are at least twenty areas of law that do apply. Read up on case law and settlements, plus specific cases.
It's mainly a problem of knowledge, training and experience, so tell your union representative about Bully On Line at http://www.bullyonline.org and http://www.worktrauma.org and point him/her to the possible training pages for their particular union.
NB. UNISON nationally has vast resources with training programs for representatives and members. We also have some experienced trained representatives in this field who can help you beat the bully.
Suffolk HealthCare is officially linked to bullyonline.org and worktrauma.org  due to continued interest in this matter. Visit our useful links for helpful sites on bullying and work trauma or contact us on-line now. back